If You Knew Me...

We all hide parts of ourselves from even our most closest friends. With me, my friends each know different parts to me but not everything. There are days that I wish I could just take back everything I've said to anyone and leave it at that because people know too much about me and I can't go a day without someone wondering why I am smiling, why I'm so quiet or why I'm crying. Many reasons dictate each of the examples given but I just want some privacy. I guess it's my own fault though because myself and my need for sympathy and need for attention get too much to bare and I have to tell SOMEONE what happened to me and bask in their response. I am an attention seeker, I have a feeling I've been called one and if not, I'm surprised actually. This post contradicts  itself since I'm blogging all this to the public and not keeping it inside of me but I need to get it out on paper and I'm not looking for sympathy (she said for the millionth time). I have too many emotions the moment and I just want to curl up in bed and watch the world go by. But Life doesn't like that. Life wants you to face all it throws at you and if you mess up, Life ensures you remember that mess up, by God does she make you remember. I honestly can't see why I made this blog because there are other things I'd like to say but I'm too scared to put it up here, defeating the point of said blog. Man I need to think things through.
 - Skully :3

Change

It happens to everyone, every hour, day, week, month, year, decade. We change. Humans change, whether it be appearance, friends, dress sense etc. Life just demands it. With me, I am a different person to what I was last year and even more changed from 13 year old me. My friends have changed from Primary school me, my voice and hair are different because that's how my life panned out. I made this blog post to discuss my feelings about 3rd Year going into 4th Year. Now, in Ireland, 4th Year is an optional year, as it isn't as academically focused at the other years and though many of my peers have chosen to take it, like me, some of my closest friends haven't. Now, up until today, I was looking forward to 4th Year but it's hit me how close it it. I'll be in a different class, year group, age group but none of that matters because those people going into 5th Year mean a hell of a lot to me. I'm crying due to the fact I won't see them in my classes anymore. This is a change I just can't accept and won't accept, even in September. My friends made me who I am today, some for better and some for worse but it's all a learning curve in essence.  The day I guess this change will hit the hardest is when my friends who moved up a year make their graduation from 6th Year, when I'm only in 5th Year. That will be the absolute. They won't be in my school anymore. No matter what spare time I get during school, they won't be there. This is where my childish side comes out and I wish that they all chose to do 4th Year but Life isn't like that. I can't have what I want at every cross road. *hitches up trousers* If our friendship is what I think it is, a year out when I'm in 5th and they graduate won't severe the ties we've created from 1st, 2nd and 3rd year.
I guess I'll end, before I just continue on xD
 - Skully :3

Emotions.

We all suffer from them, whether it be an apparently lack of or an extremely abundance of, emotions shape us and allow us to put forth how we want anyone to view us if to pause us at a given moment. Like right now, if someone was to pause me, they'd say I was a sour and moody young girl, which I currently am. Now, as my friends and they'd probably say different, with some other opinions  I couldn't begin to imagine.

  Emotions let us interact with the world and give us the tools to deal with problems but by God, I HATE them a lot of the time. I'm an emotional person, getting upset at the littlest thing I do wrong and what not. After I moan, cry and silently fume, I feel guilty afterwards for being like that. It's weird, huh? My emotions honestly don't know how to react with me. As I've already mentioned, I'm in a sour mood because of things that happened, starting with an awful (in my eyes and probably my teacher's eyes) Flute lesson and continuing with terrible Irish homework, which will make my Irish teacher cry. That language never mixed with me, no matter how much I threatened.

  I really wish  I had someone here so I could get a hug and the encouragement to stop moping around but I don't, so I'm going to be like this for a while and it's not the best emotional state for me. I have done things I'm not proud of when like this.

  Deep with the heart of one

  Lies the mysterious unknown emotion

  With the ability to make us, break us

  Build and destroy and keeping us thus.

  - Skully :3 (And that was made by me, you probably can guess)

Howl of Wind and Patter of Raindrops...

I guess I haven't been very active and it's been my fault but things have come up and I will try get back into posting. To start off, I'll talk about the weather currently in Ireland...

From my bedroom window right now, I can hear the splatter of harsh rain against the glass, feeling I'm taunting it by remaining dry during its onslaught. Trees are being assaulted by the gale winds, its leaves barely hanging on for dear life. Mumbles of human annoyance add to the symphony of Mother Nature, though none from me. I love weather like this, seeing the ground grow increasingly darker with damp, seeing the plant life sprinkled with drops of rain... Add in a hint of rolling thunder and sparking lightening and I would be extremely pleased. One day, I would love to visit a nearby forest area with an iPod and an open mind during a heavy shower, letting myself get lost in the fresh wilderness. 

It's just... this weather is so calm and cooling, also very unpredictable. I don't know about other people but I honestly want to spend my time out under a constant storm, feeling the rumble of thunder through my bones and the forks of lightening throwing bright lights across my face, mixing with the soft and sweet drops of rain.

I guess I’ll finish here ^^

 -Skully :3

I apologise, mi amigos!

Please, put the gun aw*shot* AW COME ON D<

*clears throat* Anyw-*ducks from shoe thrown* -.- I'm NOT George Bush, okay?

Now... we good? Ossim.

I was really busy today and so didn't have time to post one of my longish posts so tomorrow, for my MILLIONS OF FOLLOWERS, actually only 4 ;_; - You will get an extra long post from me to make it up, because I love you guys even though none of you do \o.o/ The gun and shoe prove tha- *knocked out by baby elephant thrown into head*

 - Skully :3

Friendship.

This post is directed at people who know how epic they are to me.

You guys... make me who I am. Giving me a smile everyday, be it in real life where I can return my own, twice as cheesy one or over the Internet, making me know someone in another country cares about me more than I do at times. Without my friends, I doubt I could face the harsh reality of life, because friends give you an escape from your fears and worries, create a barrier between them and you with a hug or sending them scuttling into the undergrowth with an infectious laugh. I try and repay you with all my love and care but you keep on giving me all that and the cycle starts again - will I ever not be indebted to you? I honestly don't care, though. At least I know I own people continuous support when it's their turn to panic, when they need a pick me up and I'm the one to be there, sometimes not knowing what I'm to do but still, I pick up a hammer and smash in happiness >D Well, actually I gently slide it in bit by bit but I wanted to mention hammer :)

I've seen people with hundreds of so called "friends" on social networks, bragging about how many friend requests they had to fight their way through or their account would suffocate and I think "It's never the amount of friends you have but the amount of friendship you share with them" and I seriously doubt you can share an equal amount of that friendship with over 1000 people with the same self centred look on life as you do. The less the merrier for me and it's always been like that due to the things I enjoy - reading, writing poems and stories, crime shows, movie soundtracks etc. People who like these things are hard to find but when I do, we click and stick (LOL RYHME >.>) together for a long time and I just want to thank you for everything thing you have ever done for me and I only hope I can do the same for you guys. I <3 you and always will :3 I can't name you all off because I might miss someone and I couldn't have that but I know a handful of people who straight away will know this is for them, hopefully. Post if you do \o.o/ (sneaky posting tactic!) I'm off and again, thank you to all my friends because I can't imagine life without any of you.

 - Skully :3

The Outside World.

I'm writing this post so I can clearly write down some of the things I'm feeling right now because it might give me some clarity, I don't know.

I have an over-active imagination, it seems. Maybe paranoia. Or maybe I'm just stupid and weird.    

  Last night, I was convinced someone was going to break into my house because I saw my back garden light flash on and off many times - something it does if someone walks under it. My paranoia increased when it dawned on me we have a full glass sliding door - easy to smash and enter the house through. I started hearing noises and sat bolt right up in bed, waiting for my bedroom door to open. My friends tried putting me at ease but I knew by the time I screamed for help if someone DID enter, my throat would be slashed, I could be kidnapped or shot easily within the time it took my guardians to come out and see what was happening. Needless to say, none of this happened but I was shook up, which was pointless of me.

  Today, I went down to the shops for some items and I walk along a main road to get to the shops. Every car that passed, I thought was going to run me over or pull up and the driver would take me, kicking and screaming. You probably are thinking I'm idiotic and should have my mouth sewn and I agree with you - I'd do it to myself if given chemicals to numb my mouth and the confirmation my mum wouldn't freak at me. Even when I entered the shop, I was on edge. I'm wondering now if this is normal. I watch Criminal Minds and maybe that's caused this but why now? I've watched that show for 2 years now and nothing like this. I should be seeing my guidance counsellor in school soon and I'm musing over what she'll say about this.

  What sums up my feelings is this quote:

Killers can seem smart when you can't figure out who they are.
Pat Brown

  I agree because, do we honestly believe every person we pass isn't capable of cold blooded murder? Someone we pass is, be it a psychopath, sociopath, mentally unstable etc. can murder someone and not care and will want to kill again. My own quote would be:

Those ideas for killers we imagine for stories or childhood games all have a real life counterpart.

  This has become very dark very quickly so sorry if this wasn't very pleasing to read.

 - Skully.